1 year later...

Wow,

Can't believe I neglected my blog for an entire year!!!  My last post was right before I moved away from home and here I am going strong in Saskatoon.  I have to say the busyness of my life here is pure bliss.  I have no complaints...other than the freezing wind of the prairies, but still the outdoor skating, the hot chocolate and the cozy scarves manages to keep me positive:) 

I started university at the U of S this fall and I absolutely love it!  It has taught me a lot about myself, but I feel like it is exactly where I belong.  I'm hoping to apply for Education after another year, so for now that's the plan!

It's been a crazy year definitely, lots of ups and downs (mostly ups), but I feel like I've grown up in many ways, and though my mama might disagree, I believe it was what I needed.  I guess when I think about the fact that I'm only 19, it scares me to think I hold a whole lot of responsibilities that probably would be way better handled by someone older and wiser.  At the same time though, I feel like it's allowing me to prove myself. 

Anyways, it feels like since I moved away and grew up a little more, along with it maybe my imagination got a little lost...
It makes me so sad when I think about that, cause I still have a long story awaiting an ending and lots of words being left unsaid...I sometimes try and sit down, play some stimulating music and I manage to get a few words down, but I feel like I've lost my mojo.  The more I read however, the more I slowly become inspired, so I promise you that I am trying to find time to fit a few really good books into my schedule.  And someday, I really really hope, I will write that perfect last line to my novel and maybe I'll manage to write a short story that drives even just one person to tears, even if that person is just me.  I hope I never truly lose my imagination, or stop being able to daydream, or stop being able to fall asleep to the little movies playing in my head.  I hope that even as I grow up, my imagination will stay alive and youthful and vibrant and I hope it'll lead me to write compelling things...whatever that may be.

I am going to try my hardest to keep up on this blog, maybe it will stimulate me to write a little bit more:)

Sweet Dreams,

Brianna

Maybe Someday

I guess it was the way he could trap you with his words.  “Come here,” he’d say, holding out a hand, a little mysterious smile curling up his lips.  And why would I choose not to follow?  There was always something in it for me-whether that was good or bad I might never understand.  I will always remember though the soft, secure hold of his hand; the way one look said everything.  He was my escape from the hurtful words, the dark loneliness of my thoughts.  A moment with him was enough to keep meone more hour.  Until one day he wasn’t there anymore.  He just left.  The only thing he left me with was a broken heart and a letter that read:

I have to do this.

Maybe someday

 we’ll be right for each other,

but for now I just have to go.

And that was it.

I remember holding it in my hand, beneath my pillow as my sobbing tears soaked the blankets.  I didn’t know how any of it even happened or what I’d done wrong.  He was just gone.

I didn’t want to wait.  I didn’t want to be that girl; the one that lost herself in love. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t be anyone else.  I didn’t want to let anyone else in for fear you’d come back and see me in someone else’s arms.  And who knows if you ever will-come back that is.  But you said ‘maybe someday’ and that was enough hope for me.

So I’m just here.  Waiting. Hoping.  It must have been the way he could trap me in with his words.  Why would I choose not to follow?